FOREVER YOUNG

(All started with her commenting on someone's tattoos)

and it conversation goes something like this

S: if I could, I would want to cover myself with tattoos

Me: like what

S: I might wanna get a tattoo on my arm of my parent's portrait

Me (Shocked): Wah you love your parent alot ah

S: Who else can I love.

What S said got me. I realize I've been neglecting my parent so much and I've been putting my attention on the wrong people, prioritizing the wrong people, caring for the wrong people and loving the wrong people.

Again and again I thought there will be an outcome but there never was any single shit.

Again and again I thought I have people that will love and prioritize me like their siblings but all I got was the same old reason or they already have someone they prioritized.

No, please dont get me wrong. I'm not blaming, hating or pissed at anyone.

I know I'm so much fortunate compare to some people out there.

I'm just pissed at myself for trying again and again even though I know what kind of response I will get.

Putting myself into situation that I will get disappointed and get damn damn hurt.

I'm pissed with myself that why can't I be as independent like S. She even said she likes to be alone and don't mind to be alone. We're both only child but she's so much stronger. Though she annoys the hell outta me most of the time.

I know you have someone else in your life now. And I might not be the first one that you will think about. And we might not spend as much time as before. But I'm truly happy for you. Just that I haven't found mine, so I'm quite upset that you've someone but I don't. But it's okay, really.