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Friday, June 14, 2013
 I removed my blog's link in my twitter profile so long ago that I can't even remember when. I wonder who realize and who is still reading this little space of mine. I remove it cus' it somehow have become ugly. Not appearance, but the content caused by the shits that I have been filling it with. My blog starts to become a space for me to rant instead of a space for me to pen(keyboard) down my happiness. I don't want to portray a complain queen/pessimistic/limited-tolerance/demoralized image to the others. Rants and more rants. It's filled with unhappiness and complains. I also starts to wonder whether if I have become more pessimistic or my life really sucks. So I'm gonna start my ranting, yet again... Recently has been a tough time for me. I kinda have a most stressful and humiliating 3 days. I have been taking part in all sorts of stuff just to prepare for resume and my future. I was never one of those popular kid and got a bundle of achievement. I probably lived my teenage life as a average student and I might always will. and I'm sick of it. No no, I'm not trying to say that I want to be popular. I just wanna do something that is worth mentioning of. Like getting into SA, getting into TPAM and probably the intern company that I want. Maybe I just need the testimonies for my future, Maybe I just need someone to be proud of me. I have nothing, no forte, no niche. I can't swim, I can't cycle, I'm not an athletic, I can't play any instrument well, I can't write, I can't sing. No nothing. People oriented, it's bullshit. I can never socialize well with the people I just met. I have no idea what are the appropriate things to say. I am terrified that I might say the wrong things and they'll probably think I'm weird or even fake. I hate being fake, I hate being judged. I'm also never one of those that will do anything to get what they one. I'm not competitive enough because I think it's embarrass to do so. Yet again it's because I'm afraid how other people will look at me. They always say "fuck what other people think" I say "fuck what my thoughts" Because I just can't instill that quote in my mind. I want to do things because it makes me happy I don't wanna do things because it might benefits me but I'm not happy doing it. Yet another lengthy and deplorable post... |